Am I Ready? (Day -4)

Even though it is four days before my travel group meets up in Mobile, I take off two days from now. (I will stay in Boston for a night, fly out of Logan, and arrive in Mobile a day early.) I'm excited, yes, but I also feel that my nerves are a bit taut. What was I thinking that I could do this trip?! As I scurry around packing my gear and cleaning my house, I keep giving myself little pep talks. (It will be fine. Fun even. I prepared well--at least as much as I could. The anticipation is more difficult and nerve-racking than the reality will be. Etc., etc., blah, blah, blah)

So...am I ready? Let's see...

• Do I have the right gear? I think so. I will write a whole separate post about the gear I'm taking with me. I'm in the middle of trying to figure out if the gear I have amassed will all fit in the two bags I've chosen to use for the trip. Final verdict on that is still out.
• Am I healthy enough? My doctor thought I was okay to go when I saw her. She sent me the results of my blood work with a note that said, "Blood work wicked, awesome, good. Have a great time." so I guess that's that.
• Am I physically fit enough? I think I have done all I could do to prepare physically for the trip. I tried to train wisely--pushing myself to improve my strength as much as I could with the amount of time I had, without pushing myself so hard that I risked injury. I have lost a total of 25 pounds since I began training in January, and I am delighted to have less weight to haul over the miles. There are times that I hardly notice the difference because, believe me, I could still stand to lose more weight; in other words, I'm not gaunt or wasting away. (I guess I was in denial about how much weight I had packed on these last few years.) My brother says I look different, though, so I guess those who haven't seen me for awhile might notice the difference. My core and my legs feel a lot stronger. I have spent enough time on a bicycle seat that my butt has "acclimated"; I'm sure fellow cyclists can relate to this. I have ridden enough over these last few months that riding feels like a given. When I'm on a bike, I feel like I can just go and go. I get into a kind of zone where I'm not thinking about every ache and pain or how heavily I'm breathing on the uphills; I just keep pedaling while I think about other things and enjoy the view. If I don't ride for more than a day, I feel like something is missing. Particularly since riding a lot of miles every day for six weeks encourages repetitive-use injuries rather than recovery, I do have some concerns about this aging body handling the demands of the trip (my knees are creakier than they used to be, my hands have some arthritis and don't rebound from the road vibration as well as they used to, and the soreness in my right ankle gets worse if I walk a lot [not so much when riding]), but I think these things are manageable and worth giving the trip my best effort. A few people who know that I have an artificial hip have asked how my hips are doing. Honestly, my hips have felt fine and have not given me any concern throughout my training.
• I have read a number of books about slavery and the Underground Railroad to give myself context for the ride and the historic sites we will see along the way. I will write a separate post about this.
• Have I arranged housesitting and pet care? Check and check. All set. (I have even been working on emptying out the refrigerator so I won't be met by green meanies when I return.) Well...then there's the matter of the extra cat that appears to be living in my yard like s/he has adopted us. I have not done anything about that yet--except to confirm that the cat is not wearing a collar. I have wondered if s/he might have a microchip. (My cats don't have chips, but you never know.)
• I have (hopefully) anticipated every bill that will be due while I am away and prepaid them. 
• I got a hair cut that is a little shorter than usual because I hope it sees me through the whole trip. Had my teeth cleaned and checked for cavities; none. I have my last chiropractic adjustment tomorrow.
• How about connecting transportation? I have a ride to the bus in Portland on Friday. I will take a bus to Boston and ride the T to East Boston (to my sister's place). I have flights to Mobile on Saturday and a reservation for a shuttle to the inn. I have reserved a rental car in Buffalo for May 23 and I have a campground reservation for that night in Ithaca (my old stomping ground--haven't been back there in decades). I haven't figured out the night of May 24 yet. (Turns out most campgrounds want a minimum three-night reservation during Memorial Day weekend, so maybe that means I should treat myself to a motel room.) I have a little time to figure that out.
• I confirmed with the bike store in Mobile that my bike arrived on Monday--earlier than I anticipated. They hadn't opened the box yet, but the box looked fine (had no damage), so I assume that my bike is fine and will be ready for me when I arrive.
• Emotionally? I mostly feel upbeat and excited. I have had to employ a few tricks (like the pep talks) to keep my nerves at bay. Another example: Even though I love maps and normally enjoy pouring over them endlessly, I set aside all of the route maps after studying them one evening--and I haven't looked at them again since. Anticipating the mileage and looking at the ride contours was freaking me out. I decided to protect myself from all that and just study the routes one day at a time once I'm out on the road. Whatever works, right?

I think I'm ready!

Going Solo

"Who are you training with?"

That's what a nurse asked me last week when I was at the doctor's office. Simple question. Logical, too, I guess. It took me by surprise, though, since I'm so used to doing things on my own; it never occurred to me that I would/could train in any way but on my own. My answer: "No one. Everyone I know is working. I'm training by myself." She seemed as surprised by my answer as I was by her question.

I am well practiced with pursuing projects and adventures on my own. Of course there are benefits: There is no need to compromise differing dreams, visions, and agendas. Everything happens on my own timetable. There are downsides too, though: All energy, enthusiasm, and get-up-and-go has to come from me. There are times when I wonder how much more I might accomplish if there was some compatible "other" sometimes supplying a spark of enthusiasm to help overcome the struggle against inertia.

Dream Insight?

"Use the day to open your awareness to the next."

As I bridged that moment this morning between dream/sleep and awake, that sentence resounded loudly in my head. It was very compelling, like a command. The next what? I'll be mulling this one over, for sure.

Disaster Redeemed

I spent yesterday working on the fat bike brakes. All day. No exaggeration. From mid morning until well into the night. After I had worked for over an hour on the front brakes (back and forth, repeating the same steps over and over and over, every time hoping that time would be the magic one), I gave up, took a short food break, and switched to the rear brakes. In less than ten minutes, I had the rear brakes adjusted just right. Tight enough to have good stopping power, and no drag at all--perfect. This reassured me enough that I switched back to working on the front brakes. I tried everything. I researched online for more tips, I tried creative approaches with shims and washers. Still, I could not get those brakes adjusted right. I ended up leaving them with a little bit of drag. I figured it was better to have a little drag than not enough stopping power. Thankfully this doesn't apply to everything in my life, but there are things that I have such a hard time leaving alone when they are less than perfect!

I have been having trouble identifying places to ride. Not for lack of research or enthusiasm. I have swung by a few snowmobile trailheads near my house, only to be discouraged that the snow there was deep and soft--not packed down by snowmobile traffic. I have looked for other trailheads that remain elusive--some of the maps I have found online are rough approximations. I'm thinking you kind of have to know where some of these trailheads are in order to find them in the wintertime.

I decided that today was going to be my day for a nice, long trail ride. I packed my fat bike on my car using the new bike rack, loaded a bunch of gear in the car, and headed out. (Look how filthy my car is! I had just washed it the day before. Trying to keep it clean this time of year is an endless losing battle.)

My first destination was a mountain biking trail in Augusta. I might have found the trailhead; I did see footprints heading into the woods. There was no place to park, though, that wasn't right next to a fire hydrant, and the snow looked too deep and soft. So, then, I headed to a trail system in Waterville. I definitely found the trailhead and it looked perfect! The snow looked well-packed and there was no problem with parking. I add the fenders to the bike, threw on my helmet and backpack, and took off.

Not so fast! Riding around the parking lot worked great but, once I headed down the trail, I couldn't move! The wheels just spun; they wouldn't grab any traction. Great, just great. I loaded everything back onto/into the car and headed back home. The whole way home I was doing this catastrophizing thing I can do so well. What if I don't find anywhere to ride my fat bike? What if I can't do the workouts I need to do to prepare for my trip? Etc., etc., etc.

When I got home, instead of going in the house, I jumped on the fat bike and rode up and down my road--five round trips. Turns out that, in these conditions (18 degrees F, sunny, 6 mph wind), my road is the perfect place to ride. Packed snow and dirt surface, enough hills to get a workout, no car traffic, pretty views. I ended up riding over ten miles (a little more than an hour). I felt I had had a good workout and, surprisingly, I did not get bored.

Good News:

• If I can't ride on snowmobile trails as much as I had planned, maybe I can ride on remote (quiet) dirt roads. I guess more research is called for. Of course, once the weather warms up and these dirt roads become pea-soup soft, a Plan C will be required.
• It was cold today, but I seemed to have the right clothing on for this ride. I was a little cold when I was heading northeast (into the wind) and a little warm when I was heading southwest (toward the sun). Any colder or windier, and I would need my Moose Mitts to keep my hands warm.
• I love my fenders! They didn't impede my pedaling even once, they protected me and the bike from flying road/snow debris, and the rear one did not slide down the seat tube at all (as some reviews had led me to anticipate).
• The bar mount for my phone gives me easy access to it, but I guess I should research gloves that conduct through the fingertips so I don't have to remove them to operate the phone.
• The app I used to record my ride (Road Bike) worked great--right up until the phone completely died (see Bad News). 
• Not once did I hear the front brakes dragging. In fact, the brakes worked so well that I didn't even think about them until the ride was over.

Bad News:

• During the first four miles or so of my ride, the seat felt comfortable. Then, discomfort took over. Good wake-up moment. I need to get a lot more saddle time in to get adjusted to that discomfort so I don't notice it any more.
• My hands and wrists were the most uncomfortable parts of me on this ride. The hand position on straight handlebars does not feel comfortable after a few miles and there are only so many ways to creatively change positions. I'll have to experiment with gel pads, etc. I will be happy to switch to my road bike and have all those additional hand-placement options.
• The tube to my hydration pack froze up solid. No surprise there! I was wearing the pack mostly to assess whether I would find cycling with water on my back to be comfortable--and it is. I guess the hydration pack won't work very well in this weather, unless I come up with warming strategies for that tube. (Update: My son says there are insulated covers made for those water tubes. Of course there are.)
• Riding around in this kind of cold drains the phone's battery really quickly. I guess during this cold I should carry the phone against me inside my jacket, and maybe not continuously use the trip-recording app. More experimentation is warranted. I probably should explore options for powering the phone (maybe a backup battery for the tour?) and for recording sporadic "moments" along a ride instead of recording the entire ride. 
• I had been planning to take photos during this ride--but the whole phone-dying thing interfered with that idea.

All in all, a good day and a successful ride. Strange way to get to this result. Put the bike on the car and drive around for an hour and a half, and then ride the bike straight out of my driveway.

Willpower

As I mentioned in a previous post, I have been reading about habits. [The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg] I am enjoying this book! That's a surprise because I usually get impatient with books like this--start skimming and skipping sections, and then give up before finishing it. Not so this time. I'm finding both the information and the case studies fascinating.

While each habit is composed of common elements (a cue that sets it in motion, the behavioral routine at the heart of the habit, and the reward/payoff), each one is unique to an individual person. Once formed and ingrained, habits stay in us permanently--even if they go unused for a very long time. This helps explain how I could set foot in the gym after a decade off and pick up right where I left off. It took a lot of research and work all those years ago for me to establish a workout routine. This time around, it was automatic. This also explains how we can easily fall back into long-unused habits that we hoped we'd left far behind.

Much as I have found the information about habit formation and transformation fascinating, I have been even more gripped by the information about willpower. Call it grit, self-discipline, self-regulation, self-control--or willpower. Did you know that we have a limited supply of it? According to this book, "willpower isn't just a skill. It's a muscle...and it gets tired as it works harder, so there's less power left over for other things...If you want to do something that requires willpower...you have to conserve your willpower muscle during the day...If you use it up too early on tedious tasks...all the strength will be gone..." [Duhigg, p. 137] I had been thinking that the reason I lost my life these last few years was due to using all my energy and time at work. Now I realize that it was more than that. I was using enormous amounts of willpower at work every day as well. No wonder I had none left for me.

Contentment

Today is a day that I feel as well as know that I am enough. I have enough. I do not have to fix anything. I do not have to make anything better. I keep smiling.
::: contented sigh :::

Living Large (Day -85)

I was planning to write today about some of the great books I've found about the Underground Railroad. That will have to wait for another time, though, because I feel compelled to write about a different book...

I read well into the wee hours this morning, I just could not put this book down until I finished it. Me Before You, by Jojo Moyes, is hard to categorize. It's a love story in the broadest, deepest sense, and illuminates the complicated loves between all the characters--not a typical romantic novel. I laughed out loud, I cried, I smiled, I ached; when done, I was both wired and wiped. In the book, Louisa Clark is living an ordinary, small life, and she can remember "the exact day [she] stopped being fearless." Through happenstance, Lou becomes a caregiver for Will Traynor--who is now wheelchair-bound but once lived boldly, loudly, extremely. Initially wildly mismatched, Lou and Will irritate each other, and then slowly learn important things about themselves by caring for one another.

What does this have to do with my UGRR bike tour?

I've been thinking a lot about this strong drive I have for adventure. I am basically a homebody who likes to live quietly in a small space (and is trying to downsize her belongings to a small, if not minimal, set). Outwardly, I think my life looks small. Yet inside, my passion for connecting with the natural world and myself through adventure lives large. I don't crave extreme-sports, death-defying excursions, but I cook up little escapades that push my boundaries a bit, push back the fears, and bring life into a little higher relief.

In the book, Will writes Lou a letter in which he says: "...there is a hunger in you...A fearlessness. You just buried it, like most people do...live boldly. Push yourself. Don't settle...Just live well. Just live."

Exactly.

My Search for a Fat Bike

As I prepare for the extended UGRR tour, I face the challenge of figuring out how to ride a lot of miles. After all, it's winter here in Maine. Not great road-riding to be had just now. Riding narrow country roads without shoulders is risky enough in good weather; it's definitely life-threatening this time of year. I have been riding a variety of stationary bikes in the gym every day...but I don't think that's enough. I need to be riding a real bike. My solution? A fat bike.

A fat bike has very wide tires--almost 4 inches wide--with very low pressure. Fat bikes can be ridden over packed snow and sand and on mountain-biking trails. Seems ideal to me. I'd be able to ride on the extensive network of snowmobile trails in my area--in the peaceful woods (especially on the weekdays when snowmobiles are scarce), protected from the worst of the biting wind, and away from road traffic.

This is an idea that has not been as easy to execute as I'd imagined. Looking online (check out fat-bike.com), it appears that fat bikes are becoming all the rage. You wouldn't know it by checking out the inventories at Maine bicycle shops, however. Most shops don't mention fat bikes at all on their web sites. I did find two shops fairly close to me that stock a few fat bikes, but I am clearly not impressing them as a serious potential buyer. (Okay, I get that I look like an aging matron, when the typical fat-bike rider is an adrenaline-junkie man, but at $1,700 and up for these things, you'd think any potential buyer would be welcome.)

After some rigamarole, I did get to test ride a fat bike today. I rode the only model this particular shop had in my size (I do need a smaller bike than the average man does)--a titanium-frame custom model that costs $3,700! Anyway, what a blast! Most of our snow is gone at the moment (so much rain the last few days!), but I managed to ride through snow and mud, over grass and sticks and roots, uphill and down. The experience is quite a contrast with road riding, and definitely a great workout. Now I really cannot wait to own one of my own.

But must I spend $3,700 to own my own fat bike? I'm picturing this bike being my everything-off-road bike, which makes me think that I will beat on it pretty hard and use it in all kinds of disgusting weather and conditions. I don't want to own a model that is so precious that I'm afraid to use it, or cry every time I ding it on a rock.

There is another shop that is supposedly working on setting up a test ride for me--on a lower-end model fat bike that costs $1,700 (the only one they have in my size)--but they did not call today as promised.

In the meantime, I have scoured the Internet. I happened upon a brand new fat bike model that is in production now and will start to ship soon. I contacted the company to ensure they really will be shipping soon (so I don't completely miss my training window)--and they assure me that production is actually ahead of schedule, and the bikes should start shipping on January 20. It's a beauty--the Minnesota 2.0. I have compared specs and I think it is better than the $1,700 model I can get locally--but its introductory price is only $900. I like the fact that its top tube is a few centimeters shorter than the usual top tube. (My road bike has a short top tube, which saves me from the neck and back pain I used to experience when riding.) In addition to all of its other positive points, it also ships with an extra wheel set--so I could use it with fat-bike tires, or swap them out for narrower, more mountain-bike-like tires. This might be the model for me! Stay tuned.

Day -94 and Counting: The Beginning

In 94 days, I will begin to cycle the Underground Railroad Bicycle Route from the Gulf of Mexico to Niagara Falls. Why? And how am I going to pull this off?

The Roots of an Idea...

When I learned years ago that the Adventure Cycling Association had designed a bicycle route that traces some of the routes people followed during their escapes from slavery, I knew it was a route I wanted to ride. I always assumed, though, that I would have to ride the route in sections. After all, when would I ever have enough time off from work to do this extended ride from beginning to end?

The Roots Take Hold...

These last few years, my job has consumed me. I mean CONSUMED. I have always been a hard worker, a committed worker. Some people who know me might say that I am a bit Type A, maybe even a bit obsessed. But this was over the top, beyond the pale. I lost the last two summers completely to my job. (If you live in Maine and don't find time to enjoy the summertime, something is really wrong.) I no longer noticed the changing of the seasons. In fact, these last two years only had two seasons for me: the season of extreme overwork, and the season of caring for my mother while she was dying and while I was extremely overworking. You get the idea.

I found myself engaging in escape fantasies more and more. "What would I rather be doing? I'd rather be bicycling the Underground Railroad route!...Nah, I can't do that!"...followed by all the reasons why I couldn't do that. Until the day I began finishing that internal argument with "Could I DO that?" Once I truly analyzed things--setting aside my fears and looking at my real circumstances--I realized I really could do that. Then the question became: "Do I have the courage of my convictions and desires to actually do that?"

What Have I Done?

I have stopped.
After working without a break since the age of 14, I have quit my job and walked away.

I am changing course and heading in a new direction.
I am taking some time to slow down, breathe, unwind, recover.
I will bicycle the Underground Railroad Bicycle Route.
Then I will get back to building the house that I started years ago but has been completely on hold for over two years. (See my blog about that project.)
After all that, and hopefully with some new/fresh perspective, I will seek new employment.

How Will I Do This?

I am smart enough to know that this aging, out-of-shape, very-fried woman should not jump on a bicycle and start riding the 2,007-mile Underground Railroad route. I have preparation to do. Over the next few months, I will chronicle in this blog:
- the reading I do about the Underground Railroad
- the reading I do to help me find a road back to myself
- what I learn about improving my diet--I will be aiming for a paleo/gluten-free combo
- the various ways I exercise and improve my fitness
- the gear I plan to take on the tour

For those who don't want to read all this preparation stuff, pick up reading on April 13--the first day of the tour!